Monday, November 5, 2012

My preparations are THOROUGH

"In case the plane comes down..."

It's funny that they never said "crashes." It was always "comes down." Gentler, I guess. Less flaming ball of wreckage, more...you know I don't even know what...plops softly onto a pile of pillows?

Anyway, this is how every conversation started just before my parents left on a trip when I was a kid. We're practical folk. You might say "morbid," I say "practical." You gotta be prepared. 'Cuz planes fall out of the sky and people die. And it could happen to you.

Is this all too grim? I can't even tell. We joke about what we want on our tombstones, and this week my dad actually asked me what I wanted done with my body if I die in Japan like it is a reasonable and regular thing to talk about. Which in our family I guess it is. AND I had an answer for him. Of course I did:

LEAVE IT. I'M DEAD. MAKE IT JAPAN'S PROBLEM. Save your money, stay home, eat donuts. And talk to my best friend...I put her in charge of my funeral plans a loooooong time ago. Come on...you think I was raised in a family like this and don't have plans in place?? You taught me well, dad.

By the way, not that you should wish me dead, but my funeral is going to be a good time. Just sayin'.

So why am I telling you all this?

BECAUSE WHAT IF I DIE IN JAPAN AND PEOPLE GO THROUGH MY STUFF????

Of course I know I could have died any time in the last 35 years. Duh. And people would have gone through my stuff then too...but I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE. This is the first time I'll be living apart from some of my belongings. And granted at this point, there is precious little left. Four boxes. But it's all the juicy stuff!!! And for whatever reason, having to leave it in my brother's attic has me all worried.

Okay, and now I'm all worried that just by writing this post, some of you sickos are going to try to sneak into his attic. DON'T DO IT. I booby-trapped it. Okay, I didn't. BUT DON'T DO IT.

And really, there's nothing all that exciting...but I don't need anyone reading my journals. I can't throw them out...you have no idea how entertaining they are! AND YOU NEVER WILL. That junk is PRIVATE. And contrary to what this blog might say about me, I am a PRIVATE person. Although I will share this:

Best journal entry EVER. Age 8.
So my solution to my anxiety? Put the most mortifying things in a box, instruct my brother to burn it if I die, and hope for the best. My brother groaned through my whole version of the "if the plane comes down" speech, but he promised to burn the box. And you can't go back on a promise to a dead woman, right? Victory!!!! I AM NOT KIDDING ABOUT ANY OF THIS, SEE:


Here's what I really think though: know that this ride could be over at any time and live accordingly. Don't leave important things left unsaid or undone. Make sure people know you love them and don't save joy and fun for some future date that might never arrive. Live your life NOW, not in the past or the future.

And seriously, eat donuts.

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