The Japanese are obsessed with it.
Okay, you know I can't leave it there. And maybe "obsessed" is a little strong, but then I really have to ask: WHY IS IT EVERYWHERE?
In vending machines:
|Hot corn soup. No other food. Just corn soup. Or, I'm sorry..."corn potage."|
And corn soup. And more corn soup. In every grocery and convenience store.
|By the register, no less.|
Or you can dress as some form of corn for your next costume party (Don't you worry: ON IT!)
|Costume with CLASS.|
Now, if you know me, you know I love me some Doritos. LOOOOOVE. The junk food trifecta: Cool Ranch Doritos, Red Hots cinnamon candies, and Publix Sweet Tea. Add some fried chicken and that's an ideal meal right there. You didn't ask, but this is something I think the world just has to know. This is probably what I will eat on my first day back in America. Yummmmmm.
Okay, so what was I talking about? Doritos. Yes. I love them. So when I saw that little Doritos logo in the grocery store, I got all giddy and happy inside and I bought them without even a second glance.
But then I got home and looked more closely.
|Do you see what that is??? Look closely.|
Huh. Maybe this just alerts the consumer that these are corn chips.
NOPE. They are actually BUTTERED CORN FLAVORED DORITOS. I can't even explain how weird it is, but they have figured out how to make seasoning that is exactly like eating a fresh ear of buttered corn. There were popping and fizzing noises in my head as my brain tried to figure this out. SOOOOOO weird.
And yes, I finished the bag. But no, I will probably not buy more, love for Doritos and all. Okay, I like how in that last sentence I know my weakness for Doritos is bad enough that there is a chance I will go back for more of this Doritos abomination. If you were here right now, you would have heard a very deep sigh that accompanies that admission.
So, as you might imagine, some of the words I say most often here are: "What is that? I HAVE TO KNOW." Buttered corn Doritos. Yogurt soda. Weird root vegetables. Tofu somethings. Tentacles. Tummy is a CHAMPIOOOOOONNNNNN!!! But I really had to apologize to tummy after this one:
Looks like worms, texture of Cheetos, tastes like strawberry Pop Rocks. Let your mind run over that combination. And now again. NOT OKAY. But yes, I ATE IT ALL. And no, I don't know why. I really don't.
And speaking of corn, up until Christmas day, I was greeted on my way to work by the Children of the Corn every morning: